It’s 8:35 pm. I’m sitting on my sofa with a cup of tea on the coffee table, getting cold. I can’t get up to reach it since my little one is sleeping in my lap. I wish I could share the picture with you, the serenity I see on his face is just priceless.
It’s Thursday today and I came back from work in the spirit of celebrating the weekend but I was welcomed by a smiling yet docile little boy in my car who is normally nothing less than a fireball. I got perturbed. As I touched his skin, the mother instinct confirmed he isn’t well. Everyone said he’s alright but my heart knew he’s falling sick. Now he’s sleeping in my lap with high fever, making me sweat of the heat, moaning in his sleep. If only someone invented a body temperature diverting instrument, i’d divert it to me! How I wish.
I forgot to eat till I calmed him, medicated him and gave him his mid-day nap. Although he went in deep sleep right away but I wasn’t able to even lie down for my nap, really nervous about the temperature – all agile, thinking my baby might need me. I didn’t fall asleep; I fell in to a deep thought though. Memories pulled me back. My childhood. My mom. My ailments. Back to back chicken pox, measles, typhoid and four more diseases of the same nature. A point where my mom spent endless days admitted in a hospital with me, shedding tears from dusk till dawn, too unsure if I’d survive…too unsure if she would be able to endure losing another part of her body – she lost her second born when he was a few months. My son has only fever but I die a thousand deaths till he’s well – I can’t even imagine what my mom has been through all her life.
There are people who learn only through experience. I’m one of them. Whenever my son isn’t well I’m taken back to those days…to my mom’s suffering, I live my mom’s life and I realize the worth of a mom. Today I’m married, living in a different country. She’s back home but I still have the warmth of her priceless hugs with me, I smell her when I imagine myself in her lap, I hear her voice and my brain floods me with oxytocin. The comfort I find in her and the comfort I find in thinking about her can not be articulated. That’s the presence of a mom – even if it’s just her thought.
Oh, my son wants to change his side.. Oh oh, he’s a little uneasy.. Hmm okay, he’s up. He seems a little rejuvenated, sleeping with me…actually so am I and I’m sure you know why 🙂
saeedablogs 